


All's Fair in Love and Politics

by Hokkaido_Pumpkin



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Politics, Asexual Beelzebub (Good Omens), Bisexual Crowley (Good Omens), Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25867093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hokkaido_Pumpkin/pseuds/Hokkaido_Pumpkin
Summary: Dr. Aziraphale Eastgate (also known as A.Z. Fell on research papers), is a book collector, professor of Theology in the University of Wales, wine conussieur, ocassional blogger, and now unwillingly the newest member of the House Of Lords.Dr. Anthony Jay Crowley, former delinquent turned respected politian with a medical sciences degree, hotheaded gay disaster, commited dungeon master in spare time, and newly appointed Secretary of State for Health and Social Care (basically, the NHS' guardian)At this point, neither could have expected to be dealt the card of romance in their decks, but all is fair in love and politics.CW: Some strong language at points
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Hastur/Ligur (Good Omens), Sergeant Shadwell & Madame Tracy (Good Omens)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	1. Prolouge pt.1: Wildfire over the Phone

**Author's Note:**

> Just had a stroke of insparation come to me with this one. 
> 
> Have fun with what will hopefully be a decent fic with many political inaccuracies. 
> 
> P.S, I'm trying a new formatting style for the texting so it may be a tad weird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day begins, with news on many places spreading like wildfire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapther went really out of hand. What was supposed to be two texts and two phonecalls ended up being one or two article per characther ( and nearly the whole cast I have planned!) to introduce them.

_0500 AM BST- Private Text Converation Between Lord (REDACTED)'s Security Officers. Location: St Jack's Hospital, (REDACTED)_

The Lord is now getting more stable after the surgery. He is not awake yet. 

Are the doctors confident he'll make it?

They seem pretty sure as of now, but I don't think the Lord will be able to presume his duties for a while. 

That means that he'll need to be replaced soon.

I'm not too sure about that. The last I spoke to him it seemed like he was quite keen to come back.

The Lord was a passionate one indeed. I'll have to speak with the above about this.

Keep me updated.

Yes, sir.

_0606 AM BST- Phonecall Transcript between PM A. Godwells and MP A. J. Crowley_

***Phone rings for 6 times before being picked up*  
**

**Crowley:** *rustling* Whoever you are, if you dare to wake me up at this ungodly hour and expect me to not smite you you've got something else coming your way.

 **Godwill:** Good morning, Doctor Crowley. I do hope you don't try to smite me for your own good.

 **Crowley:** *brief pause*...Shite *more rustling noises*

 **Godwill:** You were always the most eloquent during the morning, weren't you?

 **Crowley:** Sorry for my..uh..bad choice of words, Prime Minister

 **Godwill:** *Chuckles* It's alright Anthony. You know you don't have to hold back when you're speaking with me.

 **Crowley:** Ngk

 **Godwill:** Moving on, the reason I'm calling you this early, to my own mortal peril, is because Masons handed in his resignation this morning.

 **Crowley:** You've got to be fucking kidding me.

 **Godwill:** I'm not. And I belive you remember our deal from a couple years back.

 **Crowley:** Of couse I do. I'd never be down here otherwise.

 **Godwill:** You know what's going to happen, then.

 **Crowley:** And I accept with dignity. I am ready and I'll be honoured ma'am.

 **Godwill:** Good to know. Enjoy your early morning, Doctor.

 **Crowley:** If you weren't the head of state ma'am, with all due respect, I'd have ripped your head off for doing this. Thank you and good luck, Minister Godwill.

 **Godwill:** Same to you.

**-End Of Phone Call-**

_Also 0606 AM BST- Blog Post from azifell.blog.com, Updated from Cardiff,Wales_

**Drink of the Week: Hot (But Cold) Cocoa!**

Good morning, my dears! As the sun is gently rising out my window today, I'm sitting at my desk with some essays and a cup of cocoa. Even if the weather may make it seem like it's too hot to drink some coca, don't be fooled that easily my dears. A nice cup of cocoa could be perfected to suit the weather by using cold milk and mixing the cocoa in. It might clump a bit at the start, but I find that using a cup warmed with some warm water beforehand does just the trick to perfect a cold cocoa. I'm also trying to add in some herbs in the cocoa, courtesy of my aptly named neighbor Herbert. He's got quite the green thumb indeed!

It's around that time of year when many young students decide what path they'll choose to go down for a long time, and I wish to address any one of you here, as I do every year. I want all of you out there to know that our choices, and the things going on around us are part of destiny, and no matter what seemingly misfortunate turn happens to you, it will turn out for the best. Trust yourself, and know that it'll be fine at the end, for faith is a ship guiding us all through a sea of people, and spirits as well. So, all of my dears, I urge you to make yourselves a cup of cold cocoa, or whatever you fancy, and welcome the summer that is dawning upon us. This is a time when many new things will begin, and I'm quite excited to see what new faces I'll meet over the summer and also at the Theology department in a matter of a few months!

_It'll be all Tickety-Boo,_

_A.Z. Fell_

**-End of blog post-  
**

_9050 AM BST- Article from "The British" Newspaper (britains-news.co.uk), Published online  
_

**Prime Minister Confirms Masons' Resignment, New Secretary Appointed  
**

In a public press confernce this morning, Prime Minister A. Godwill confirmed recent suspicions regarding the resigning of the Secretary of State for Health and Social Care, Baxter Masons.

Mr. Masons was recently placed under fire by the public as well as the media over accusations of several women, stating that they had been discriminated against and harassed by Masons' staff as well as the man himself. Altough he had at first claimed that these accusations were false, he was seen quickly singing a different tune after several members of his staff, K. Bastings and V. Jobol, were tried and found guilty for sexual harassment. The final nail in Masons' coffin was nailed during a particularly heated debate in parliament last week, when liberalist MP for Cities of London Anthony J. Crowley harshly criticized the methods in which Masons allocated funding within the NHS. Crowley had now-famously exclaimed at Masons "If you keep saying that you don't have enough money to support mental health care, I'll go pay for the entire thing with the money you keep hidden up your arse!", before he was kicked out of the debate by the speaker. Crowley's outburst became a national phenomenon within hours, and at that point it was clear that Masons' failing attempts to fix his image and keep his job in the government were coming to an end quite soon.

The other big news coming from the PM's conference was that the person replacing Masons was none other than the man who had publicly "roasted" him last week, MP Anthony J. Crowley.

Originally hailing from Scotland, Crowley first graduated with a degree in medical sciences and psychology degree, and had worked in London hospitals. During that time, he was a political activist going by the name of "The Serpent of Eden", possibly inspired by his snake-like eyes. He posted videos online of him anonymously vandalising buildings of anti-LGBTQ establishments with apples, and would often leave letters on public websites, detailing everything said establishments did behind the scenes, before always telling them to "eat the apple and gain the forbidden knowledge of how to accept people and not be a f***ing douchebag". He was later caught redhanded, but was aquitted of charges after massive public outcry and masses of petitions from all over Europe to let the Serpent go free. After that, it is unkown what he did for a few years before he appeared before the public again,with a PhD in political science and as a member of the Liberty party. He eventually became the MP for Cities of London and Westminster Constituency, and has been in that position for the past six years. Having come at a troubling time for the government, Crowley has managed to prove himself a capable politian, and has time and time again proven that the people are his main focus in all his work, and that he isn't afraid to get unruly to prove a point. The fact that Crowley has come so far in the government proves that leaders can truly come from any walk of life.

Many people so far have reacted positively to Crowley's appointment, with the notoriously blunt political commentator Jackson Briggs commenting that "Crowley will be an, albeit profane, but much needed Secretary that this messy government needs as Godwill is left to pick up the pieces of Mornings' failiures." Social media now is also rejoicing that an openly bisexual and genderfluid person has been appointed to such a high office of government, disregarding the rumours that Godwill herself is Non-Binary.

We can only hope that this is another step into fixing the parliment after the incidents of last year.

**-End of Article-**

_1020 AM BST- Private Text Converation Between Lord (REDACTED)'s Security Officers. Location: St Jack's Hospital, (REDACTED)_

I talked to the Lord after he woke up. It seems like your suspions were true.

So he is retiring? Then we need to tell the House Of Lords.

We do, eventually, but he already has named his sucessor.

That's not possible. It has to be decided by the House unless he has a heir.

He does. We've known, but we never thought it would come to that.

What do you mean?

He has a son, but he's not exactly willing to take up the role.

A recluse sort of, the Lord says that the last he heard of his son, he was training to become a clergyman in Wales.

One minute, the Lord wants to tell me something.

Take your time.

Okay, so the he told me that his son is capable of taking the role, and that he should be put into the position, "no matter how unwilling he may seem at first"

He says that his son is much fiercer than seems.

So now we need to find this man who's never spoken to his father in how many years?

Eight years he says. But it's our job to contact him and pass the role onto him.

Do you think we should actuall do it? This man sounds like he is running away from being a lord. We could just tell the House that there isn't any heir to take the Lord's place

But it's against the law.

Am I the only one that feels guilty about this?

I feel guilty too, but the Lord keeps telling me that his son will rise to the role if given.

Quite insitent, these old lords are

Anyways, what's the man's name?

Lord Eastgate says his birthname is Aziraphale Eastgate, but he might be going by another name for the past years.

Aziraphale? That sounds familiar.

I know a blogger who goes by the name A.Z. Fell

He's a theologist in Wales , who's quite soft and likes collecting old books.

Ask the Lord if that sounds familiar.

He says that's him. Pull up the files on A.Z. Fell and confirm his identity. I'll meet you at rendevous point E in two hours.

Done.

I can't believe I'm going to meet one of my fav bloggers!

It's unfortunate that he'll probably be very mad at the very prospect of having to meet me under such circumstances,

_1320 PM BST- Phonecall Transcript Between Officer (REDACTED) and Sir Gabriel Hevenswill,  
_

***Phone gets picked up immediately after first ring***

**Hevenswill:** Good afternoon, this is Sir Hevenswill, who are you?

 **(Redacted):** Sir, I am the officer assigned to Lord Eastgate. As you are the leader of the House of Lords, I have to alert you of the latest developments regarding his case.

 **Hevenswill:** Heavens forbid, but is he dead?

 **(Redacted):** He is not, but he cannot continue his duties as a lord anymore.

 **Hevenswill:** Thank you for telling me, officer. I will contact the House to come up with a replacement soon enough. Have a nice day. *tries to hang up phone*

 **(Redacted):** *rushing* But sir, he has a son! His replacement, by law must be his heir!

 **Hevenswill:** *silence*

 **(Redacted):** Sir, are you still there? Sir?

 **Hevenswill:** *Curtly* Yes, I'm still there.

 **(Redacted):** Officer Simm will be tracking down Lord Eastgate's son, and will update you shortly.

 **Hevenswill:** *frustrated* Yes. Great. Thank you again.

 **(Redacted):** Are you alright sir?

 **Hevenswill:** Yes I am. Could I say something off the record? And don't tell anyone.

 **(Redacted):** Yes sir. But I think you're aware that if this information is a threat to Her Majesty's Government, I'll have to-

 **Hevenswill:** Of course I know. I worked under Her Majesty's Army as well.

 **(Redacted):** *flustered* Of course sir.

 **Hevenswill:** Good. Then here it is. Keep this in mind when he nevitably screws up. Lord Eastgate's son is a fool. He is a hermit who shunned all the power given to him just to go preach in a power that no one knows is real or not. He is a bumbling fool, and if I had my way he would not be replacing his father now, or anytime soon. But go on with the operation. Even if he is unwilling, we still have a law and honour to uphold, unlike him.

 **(Redacted):** Will keep that in mind sir. Goodbye

 **Hevenswill:** Goodbye officer.

**-End of call-**

_1400 PM BST- Email from A. Device to M.T.Potts_

**Sender:** occultistana@gmail.uk

 **Recipient:** madamefirst.tracy@me.com

 **Topic:** Newt Blew The Computers Again.

_Dear First Minister Potts,_

_Actually, do I need to call you that? We've known each other since I met Newt, so I'm just going to refer to you as Madame Tracy because this isn't even our official government emails, and I'm rambling again._

_Ahem. Anyways, it happened again. The fax machine stopped working in Newt's office, and nobody was around to fix it, exept for Newt. I thought we had talked about him instructing someone else to do the fixing instead of him doing it himself, but he just didn't listen and blew the thing up again. I had to take my lunch break to run all the way to his departnemt building from the Commonwealth Office to make sure he was okay, and that no other equipment was damaged. And when I asked why he didn't just call a technician or wait for someone for him to instruct, he said that he "didn't want to bother anyone", and I said that he's the damn Secretary of State for Business, Energy, and Industry strategy (used the full title!) and he could just bother someone for ten minutes for once in five years. He just looked at me meekly and apologised. He's honestly so sweet and I love him, but he really needs to sort out this computer thing. Don't worry though Madame, I will take care of my boyfriend, your son, just fine._

_Also, the "Secretary of State for Defence", or as we (wink wink) call him the sergant, told me to give you his regards after he swarmed Newt's office with the Secret Service during the fax blowout._

_Stay Spooky,_

_Anathema Device (Occultist and Hedge Witch)_

_Various times between 1440-1650 PM BST- Group Chat Between Beatrice Elizabeth Bubbs (also known as MP Beelzebub), Harry Sturrs (Also known as MP Hastur), and Ulysses Ligg (Also known as MP Ligur)_

**_B.E.B:_ ** _Oi luddites, guess what I just overheard from some bigwigs passing by?_

 **H.S:** **Whatever could it be that's so important that it concerns us, O holy Attorney General?**

_**B.E.B:** Shut it Harry unless you want a whipping _

U.L: He's not into that, trust me I've tried

 _**B.E.B:** _ _stop being gross or else i wont share it with you_

U.L: There's the gremlin we know and love

_**B.E.B:** you done yet bc i want to dig your face into a concrete floor next to a pub _

**H.S: I bet hes into that**

_**B.E.B:** afdiwhnaidfhnawfchnwjej_

U.L: ok Beez, we had our fun

**H.S: Now tell us what you heard.please**

_**B.E.B:** begging now are we? lol _

U.L: You two dimwits have been procrastinating so much that I need to go into a meeting now.

U.L: have fun with your gossip

**H.S: I never knew you had such advanced vocabulary Ligur. are you entirely sure you even know what "procrastinate" means?**

U.L: Even if I didnt know, id just have to take a look at your work ethic to see what the word means

 _ **B.E.B:**_ _if u two stop flirting in our group chat, ill actually spill the tea_

**_*U.Ligg logged off at 1455*_ **

**H.S: He's gone, now spill the tea. Does anyone know about our relationship?**

_**B.E.B:**_ _nothing from that corner this is something different_

 _**B.E.B:** _ _you know lord eastgate from the lhouse?_

**H.S: not that much. hes just another dusty old lord from that archaic place, yeah  
**

_**B.E.B:** _ _Yeah and i just heard from a veritable source that hes leaving his duties_

**H.S: so whats the big deal? just another dusty guy sauntering his place  
**

_**B.E.B:** _ _I also heard that his replacement is going to be his son that hasnt spoken to him in nearly a decade. some sort of religious twink_

**H.S: i dont really think a religious twink could ever exist  
**

**H.S and your source seems to be quite biased if they describe someone as a twink. maybe your source finding skills are getting worse, attorney general**

_**B.E.B:** shut it_

**_B.E.B:_ ** _what im saying is that maybe we can get to this twink when hes put in the lhouse so that our job gets easier_

**H.S: good idea, but i never thought of you as someone who would stoop this low to get the job done, Belz**

**H.S: its good to keep this in mind and ill tell Ulysses as well, but try to have some dignity**

**H.S: ur already a trash opossum as is**

_**B.E.B:** yeah, fuck you too_

**_B.E.B:_ ** _anyways, i gtg. will tell you if anything comes up bout u and ligur shagging in the parliment closet_

**H.S: dont you dare accuse us of shagging in the parliment closet. thats a cowardly move**

_***B.E: Bubb logged off at 1510*** _

_***U. Ligg logged on at 1648*** _

U.L: real politians snog in the house of commons after hours like big boys

**H.S: that they do**

**-End of conversation excerpt-**

_1530 PM GMT- Text conversation between Officer Jonathan Simm and Officer (REDACTED)_

About to enter Cardiff now.

Good. Just came back to the hospital

Lord Eastgate seems in a cheery mood

I feel quite nervous, Tess

This man was kind of my idol for the past few years

I really hope I don't get him too upset

Man, I would've said it would be alright, but its just in the job description to be in some argumants sometimes

*arguments. darn auttocorrect

We just pulled up to the church next to the uni. sources says he'll probably be here.

wish me luck officer tate, im pribably going to die of either embaressment or shame at the prospect of having to drag my idol to the house of lords

At least you'll have the honour of being the only person able to say that sentence in full seriousness

But actually, good luck Jonathan

Jonathan takes a deep breath, puts the phone into his pocket, and parts the heavy doors of the church.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually don't know too much about British politics, being that I'm not British, and all I know is based of wikipedia and Politics Unboringed (which is really good, check it out on yt!), so there is definetly some inaccuracy here and there.
> 
> The parties here aren't real, but this is my guideline for the party which Crowley represents;  
> Liberty Party- Center, left- Labour Party?  
> Main goals: Social benefity and welfare becoming widespread, strengthening of national services and education, as well as international relations to an extent. willing to increase taxes to do so.  
> Notable members: A. Godwill, A.J. Crowley, L. Wells-Eastgate, A. Device, (Former) M.T. Potts, (Former) S.L.Mornings


	2. Prolouge pt.2: Chapel Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A.Z. Fell gets an unwelcome message. Officer Simm doesn't know how to deal with his new boss and idol accidentally planting his face into a bowl of holy water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am again trying something different with this chapter: a first person pov. I hope it goes well.  
> This fic is basically going to be my fanfic guenia pig lol .  
> :D  
> There was going to be a segment introducing Crowley as well, but I thought it would be better to isolate them into seperate chapthers rather than cluttering it all uo, and spending an extra two days on just one chap. Trying to get as much done when I feel like it, and before HS starts!

The day my life turned upside down, I was in the chapel near the university, sitting at the pews and saying a prayer like I do, or rather used to every afternoon. The sight of the candles lit in one corner of the chaples, each one alight with a dream of a hopeful soul in need of guidance, never ceased to ensnare me inside its aura. I don't really _know_ how to describe it to someone else, but I guess you could call it a sort of dreamy state where for just a moment, you feel like everything is fine, and that the Almighty is lending an ear to all the hopes and wishes that the candles spoke of. Seeing those candles and the lights they shone on the walls of chruches were one of the things that helped me find my way for so long. And yet, this time their light couldn't guide my way, or tell me about what was to come. _Who_ was to come.

As I was in the middle of my prayer, I heard the heavy doors of the chapel open. I didn't mind. Many students would come in and out here during the day; some to pray, some to light candles, and some to find me. It was quite flattering every time a student from my classes or from a completely different department would try to find me and seek advice. It was one of the many things that I prided myself on, to help people. (Look at me, I'm rambling again) Anyways, the footsteps get closer, but again I just assumed that it was a person coming to sit on the pews, nothing to do with me I thought. (Oh how wrong I was, as the rest of this story will tell) I get a tap on my shoulder, and I look up, expecting it to be a student. Instead I see a skinny, yet well built man with short cut blondish hair and a stern looking face. A full military man in appearance. Interestingly enough, his face betrayed a mix of starstruckness and deep regret. He asks if he could sit next to me. I oblige and let him.

He sits down next to me, and clears his throat a few times, before taking a moment to contemplate something. Looking at him, one could clearly see something, a struggle taken form of a beast, cause him to hold back something, forcing him to take his time. I just hoped whatever he was going to tell me, that I could help him trough it. I believe in the strength of the _Almighty_ , that their teachings hold the power to banish whatever pain may lurk within the dark enscapes and dusty corners of our mind. Memories, friendships which hurt us. Things that just proved everyone right. Fates which we run away from. Things which, when eclipsed, could twist a very person's nature. _Things which would prove my deepest realisations correct, bring a blizzard of emotionless fury forth._ It has been my goal for longer than I could remember, to banish these mirror monsters, and _prove myself wrong._

As I was contemplating all this, the man next to me blurted an unintelliglibly long sentence. Then he blushes and looks away. In an effort to calm him down, I hold his hands in his. (I do not remember exactly what I said that day, but there are parts I clearly remember. This is one of them.)

"Don't be so nervous, my dear.I'm sure whatever you need to say won't bring about the end of the world." (Oh, the irony) 

He takes in a deep breath. "BeforeIstartIjustwanttosayI'mahugefanofyoursmisterfellandI'msosorrybutIneedtotellyouthisbecasueit'sthelaw!" He stares at me for aa minute before he realizes that he was too fast again. 

I don't remember what I said to calm him down again, but it does it this time. At the time, this man's hesitation to tell me what was going on was almost completely confirming my suspicions. Part of me wanted to run out of that chapel at that moment, run away again, farther than Wales, farther than Europe, farther than I've ever tried running away to before. _Almighty help me, please help me, I can't do this. I can't face becoming like that._ My body seems to take my prayers in stride, getting up and starting to leave that man alone on the pews. I couldn't do it like this. Not this suddenly. Not today. Not when I'd managed to make a life of my own. What happened after this point, I am embarrased to admit that it happened, and it was indeed entirely my fault. Looking back, I shouldn't have been that afraid. But then again, if time travel was possible, I'd've never been in this situation in the first place. 

I dart like a bee to the heavy doors of the chapel to leave, when the man follows behind me. A military man. Quick. He sputters to speak again, before I (quite rudely) cut him off.

"I already know why you're here, _Officer."_

He attempts to grab my shoulder, and that's when it happened. Sensing what could be (vaugely described as) an attack, I turn around and dunk his head in the nearby bowl of holy water without thinking. Being the son of, well a Lord, I was trained in combat and self defense quite toroughly. Although that part of me is one of the plethora of reasons why I left. _And would never come back, if it were up to me._ At that moment, I realize that I was still holdingthe poor chap's head submerged within the bowl. I quickly let go, feeling a blush flush all over me. I pull out my hankerchief out of my waistcoat pocket, apologising profusely as I try to dry at least a part of his face. To my suprise, he seemed much more at ease now, a bark of laughter escaping him.

"That's exactly how I'd react if some government jumbo were to come to me and insit I gotta go into a stuffy house o'lords! Honestly, my mind was in shock from the oppurtunity ta meet my blogging idol, but in the ned I think I just ended up bein a even bigger fan of you! I'm still quit sorry about the fact that I gotta haul you to London, Doctor Fell."

He introduces himself as Officer Jonathan Simm. Even though this man had seen the worst of me since the moment we met, he still liked me, appreciated me. I wasn't happy about the whole ordeal of _my destiny, you could call it,_ but for a moment, it seemed bearable with this man. _Maybe this is a sign from the Almighty. Maybe this means that it will be fine._ I keep trying to dab at the wet parts of his face with my hankerchief as we start talking. I don't remeber what either of us said, but I remember it had a lot to do with herbs in cooking, my blog, Welsh cattle, London city's "hellish" traffic, and this quite interesting show about a man in a police box teaching history to kids. As he helped me pack my things and drove me to london, the unease in my stomach was muxed with a feeling of hope, as if there was a secret card up my sleeve.

_Aziraphale looks at the document he was writing on his computer, gave it a good read, and saved it into a small, sword-shaped flash drive before deleting the document off his hard drive._


End file.
